"Edge"

I fought awhile, it was my style,

And not one time admit,

That I was down, an inside frown,

But I would never quit.

I’d saddle up, and fill my cup,

And ride out like the rest,

But my heart broke, dreams up in smoke,

It really was a test.

A cowboy real, said what’s the deal,

What’s been eatin’ you?

He could see, plain as could be,

‘Cause he had been there, too.

Those baying hounds had run me down,

They circled in my head,

I thought a lot, a pistol shot,

Could set me free instead.

A story told, ‘bout one lost soul,

Who felt the way I did,

His forty-four closed future’s door,

His depression to get rid.

I’m not that guy but still the try,

Within me sank so low,

My cowboy friend said he would tend,

To things so I could go,

To have a talk, I did not balk,

With someone who could say,

The things I need and help take heed,

To find a better way.

And so I went where I was sent,

And opened up my mind,

The words they said, my soul they fed,

Compassion, true and kind.

And I will say that from that day,

I came back from the edge,

And God helped me, I hope you see,

And built round me a hedge.

So if you’re down, inside a frown,

And wonder if you’ll live,

Don’t give in to what has been,

God’s grace to you He’ll give.

Sometimes feel sad but not so bad,

That you want life to end,

He’ll see you through, and you can do,

What He has planned, my friend.

“He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along…” (Psalm 40:2, NLT)

When I was gripped by depression a fictional scene passed through my mind over and over from a cowboy novel I once read. A young Native American cowboy, addicted to alcohol and overwhelmed with despair, rode up into the mountains alone and shot both his horse and himself. Just a story, right, and not even true. But I replayed it over and over in my head. Frankly, I thought too much of my horses to consider anything like that, but probably at the time I valued them far more than my own life. All that to say, I got help and the Lord lifted me out of despair, just like the psalm says. It took some time, mind you, and didn’t happen overnight. I had to be honest about my sins as well as things that were not my fault. I had to listen to wise counsel and try to put it into practice, and at first I had very little energy for it. But life changed and so did I. Do I still get sad sometimes? Yes, and I know the danger of indulging those old feelings. But being thankful and staying focused on God’s daily grace has made all the difference. It can for you, too. Believe it and get the help you need.

Lord, deliver us from despair and steady us as we walk along, in Jesus’ name.

Art by Don Dane, dondane.com. Used by permission. Thanks, Don, and God bless you.